Freeze Girl

How Freeze Girl helped me resolve my habitual freeze response

Before I met Freeze Girl, I couldn't figure out why I struggled to speak or sometimes couldn't speak at all in stressful situations.

It took me years, but I finally went directly to the one who could give me answers. The part of me that continually sent me into a freeze response.

Anyone who has read my book knows I write to a Cave Woman. Cave Woman is just one member of my Protection Collection; parts of myself I find incredibly helpful to dialogue with.

When I asked to meet the part of me prone to the freeze response, I saw a girl in a superhero outfit and cape. She introduced herself as Freeze Girl and showed me the first time she stepped in to help:

I was six and in our front yard when a man drove by wearing a black bandit mask. Terrified, I assumed he was on his way to rob a bank.

A minute later, my father asked if I'd like to go to the bank with him. I wanted to say, But I just saw a robber on his way to rob the bank! We can't go to the bank!

Of course, in my six-year-old mind, there was only one bank, and I'd just been warned that a crime was about to occur.

But even at six, I knew my dad wouldn't believe me. So Freeze Girl stepped in believing she could "Freeze the Timeline," bend or stop time, and keep my family safe. With Freeze Girls on board, I agreed to go to the bank with my dad. 

This kind of magical thinking was helpful for a kid who often felt helpless. Not so much for an adult wanting to engage with others coherently.

Here are a few examples of Freeze Girl's previous actions:

I rarely slept the night before any important-to-me event because I didn't want to be late or miss it altogether. I'd repeatedly check the event time, time zone, sign-in info, etc., to ensure I had it all figured out. 

At other times, I would involuntarily slow down when nervous about an upcoming event.

I wanted to be my usual 80-mile-per-hour self, but, at times, I would sit, feel stuck, and not know why.

When I asked Freeze Girl how she felt when I was in a freeze response these days, she rolled her eyes and said, "I get sooooo bored!"

I saw her whip off her cape in exchange for a welder's helmet.

I saw her melting old childhood storybooks into new creations—a powerful metaphor for why I write each day.

She'd chosen a new career, but she made me promise I'd call on her if I needed to "Freeze the Timeline." I'm happy for her and now call her Renowned Sculptress more than Freeze Girl.

Unforeseen Consequences

Freeze Girl was as good as her word. I haven't randomly gone into a freeze response in months.

But because I wasn't up all night checking the time zones, I missed a recovery storytelling workshop that promised a vague chance of telling my story in front of Elizabeth Gilbert.

It took me many decades to work up the nerve to attend such a workshop, and look forward to it. I can't begin to express the heartbreak I felt.

A few days later, I picked myself up and threw myself into getting ready for a She Recovers Convention when I awkwardly stepped out of my studio, missed the paver, and broke my foot.

Not only will I miss the convention, the last one they're holding, I won't ever be a tiny blip on Elizabeth Gilbert's radar.

Whispers from the Universe

I see Freeze Girl's phenomenal creations when I do my morning check-in. She made a rotating silvery sculpture of diving seals that forever spins with the tidal flow. She created an impossibly long and thin ear horn stretching out from Earth to catch whispers from the universe.

My Survival System was no longer in overdrive, which was significant progress. But it put more responsibility in my court.

I needed to be more careful and keep myself in line and on time.

I have to check my calendar on a schedule.

I have to look more carefully where I step.

I hosted an online meeting recently and wasn't in fight/flight or freeze. Honestly, I was discombobulated. It was similar to having sex for the first time without alcohol: awkward, unfamiliar, and flat-out embarrassing.

Dialoging with various aspects of myself really works for me. Who would have thought talking to Freeze Girl could radically change a lifelong Survival System pattern?

Book a session if you have a part of yourself or an old pattern you'd like to negotiate with.

Or learn more about my upcoming writing workshop and new course, Recovery and the ADHD Advantage, where you may well meet a member of your own Protection Collection.

Just be prepared to check your calendar more often and watch where you step.

Resources: Mind/Body Coach University, Pema Chodren, Jill Bolte Taylor, Karla McLaren, Peter Levine